Why True Rest Starts With Feeling Safe in Your Body
Our bodies are intelligent, sensitive, sentient things. A living entity of its own your body can sense when you aren’t truly at rest, even when you are doing nothing.
I talk a lot about the importance of rest and its place in the cycle of productivity. How intentional inaction is just as important as action.
But sometimes you need more than rest. Sometimes that exhaustion is more than lacking balance in your life.. This exhaustion is deeper. It's in your bones, your chest, your breath. It lingers even after you've crossed every item off your to-do list or carved out a few hours of rest. When this happens you're not exhausted because you're doing too much, you're exhausted because your nervous system is stuck in survival mode.
Why is it so hard to rest?
In our busy world we have been taught to associate busyness and productivity with success. Our very self worth resting on the amount we can get done in 24 hours.
Believing we have to have earn it before we can rest or give ourselves time off, and slowing down is often seen as laziness.
And even when you are resting you spend the whole time feeling guilty, beating yourself up for doing nothing, making that rest is meaningless (those thoughts are a form of stressor that impact your nervous system and raise your cortisol levels. When your nervous system is heightened you will never truly feel safe to rest).
What if the reason you struggle to rest isn’t because you need to try harder to relax? What if it’s because your body doesn’t feel truly safe enough to let go?
When you're stuck in fight, flight, or freeze mode, your nervous system is running the show, sending signals that the only way to stay safe is to keep going. Keep fixing. Keep holding it all together.
You might notice this as:
Trouble falling or staying asleep
Feeling exhausted but wired
Tension in your muscles even when you try to relax
A racing mind that won’t quiet down
Feeling guilty or restless when you’re not ‘doing’ something
But living this way drains away your energy, your vitality and your soul.
And it can’t be fixed by a week or two off.
These are all signs that your body doesn’t fully trust that it’s safe to rest. And until that trust is rebuilt, rest will continue to feel out of reach.
Understanding this difference changes everything; in this instance Rest isn’t something you can force, it’s something that can only happen when your body trusts that it’s okay to soften, able to let go.
If you don’t feel safe, your nervous system stays on high alert, making deep rest impossible.
Safety and the Nervous System
Your Nervous system is an intricate network of nerves and signals that governs how you respond to stress, danger, and relaxation (amongst many other things). The fight-or-flight response is your nervous systems way of protecting you in moments of perceived threat. But there’s another state just as important that acts as the counterbalance to this heightened response called the parasympathetic nervous system, often called “rest and digest”. This is the state your body goes into when it feels safe and this is where healing and repair, digestion, deep relaxation, and restoration happen.
The problem is, many of us spend too much time in survival mode. Whether it’s due to chronic stress, unresolved trauma, or simply the constant noise of modern life, causing our nervous systems to get stuck in a loop of hyper-vigilance. When this happens, true rest becomes elusive.
While better sleep, setting boundaries around work and creating intentional time off, prioritising yourself and space to be creative and reconnect with nature are all beneficial for restoring and replenishing yourself that isn’t always enough.
Imagine trying to sleep in a house where the walls feel unstable, the windows are rattling, and there’s a storm outside. No matter how much you tell yourself to relax, your body stays on edge, ready to respond to danger. Now imagine a house that’s sturdy, warm, and peaceful. The difference isn’t in how much you try to rest it’s in how safe you feel inside the space.
Your body is that space.
If you have been doing all the right things, yet still feeling exhausted and drained this is the missing piece; helping your body feel like it’s not constantly under threat.
Here's why: Resting your body without addressing your nervous system is like turning off your phone but leaving all the apps running in the background.
Your body might be still, but if your nervous system is dysregulated, it's still stuck in overdrive. Looking for danger and bracing for a threat that isn’t there, convinced it's not safe to slow down.
Perpetuate this for long enough without addressing the root causes and the consequences are burnout Or chronic fatigue…Because despite what many think, these illnesses aren’t caused solely by your schedule. They are caused by stress.
Burnout starts in your nervous system.
When your body perceives even ordinary tasks as threats, it floods you with stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline, keeping you in a constant state of high alert.
Over time, this leads to fatigue, even when you've done less, emotional numbness, as your system tries to shut down overwhelming feelings, and physical tension, like tight shoulders, clenched jaw, or shallow breathing.
This isn't your fault. It’s not your body’s fault. It's not a flaw in your character or a failure of your willpower. It's your body trying to protect you in the only way it knows how.
How to Cultivate a Sense of Safety in Your Body
When your body feels safe, rest isn’t something you have to convince yourself to do. It happens naturally. Your muscles release tension. Your breath slows down. Your mind softens. You don’t have to fight to switch off, you just do.
Building a sense of safety in your body takes time and patience, there are no quick fixes, this isn’t about tricking yourself into relaxation. The environment for true rest comes from creating conditions where your body can trust that it’s okay to rest and let go. This takes time, especially if you’ve spent years feeling on edge. But small shifts can make a big difference.
Start with the Breath
Your breath is one of the fastest ways to signal safety to your nervous system. Shallow, fast breathing tells your body that something is wrong. Deep, slow breathing tells your body that it’s okay. Try lengthening your exhales, breathing in for four counts and out for six. Let your belly expand as you breathe instead of keeping your breath high in your chest.
The 5-5-7 Breath
What it does: Signals to your nervous system that it's safe to relax.
Inhale for 5 counts.
Hold for 5 counts.
Exhale for 7 counts.
Why it works: The extended exhale activates your parasympathetic nervous system, the part of your body responsible for rest and recovery.
Release Tension Physically
Sometimes, restlessness comes from a build-up of physical stress. If you have ever tried to relax after a long, tense day, you know how hard it is to switch gears. Moving your body — whether it’s stretching, shaking, or simply rolling your shoulders — helps release stored tension and makes relaxation easier.
Try Release Tension with Progressive Relaxation
What it does: It helps your body release physical tension stored in your muscles.
Lie down or sit comfortably.
Tense one part of your body (like your hands or feet) for 5 seconds, then release.
Move through your body, focusing on each muscle group.
Why it works: This practice sends a clear signal to your nervous system: It's okay to release.
Create Rituals of Comfort
Your nervous system thrives on familiarity and signals of safety. Simple rituals, like making a warm drink, wrapping yourself in a soft blanket, listening to calming music, or laying under a weighted blanket can send reassuring messages to your body. Find what feels truly comforting to you.
Other simple rituals include taking 5 minutes to meditate and come back to your body and breathe when you get home each day helping to separate work and home and leave stress at the door.
Let Yourself Feel What You Feel
If you’re carrying unprocessed emotions, they can keep your body in a state of underlying stress. Rest isn’t just physical, it’s emotional too. Instead of pushing feelings away, give them space. Journaling, therapy, or simply sitting with your emotions without judgment can help. It’s important to let yourself feel emotions when they come up instead of trying to block them or push them away. And once your body begins to feel safe to release you may find yourself crying for no reason… let those tears come. Crying is your body's way of releasing the emotions it can’t hold or process, it is releasing, cleansing, and you will feel infinitely better for it!
Be Around People Who Feel Safe
Our nervous systems respond to the energy of others. If you’re around people who make you feel on edge or like you have to alter how you act around them, it’s harder to relax. On the other hand, being around someone who feels grounding and warm can help your body settle. Pay attention to how you feel around different people.
Honour Your Natural Rhythms
Your body isn’t designed to be ‘on’ all the time. We live in cycles; day and night, activity and rest, seasons of growth and seasons of stillness. When you align with your natural rhythms of ebb and flow, rest comes more easily. If you feel the urge to slow down, listen to it. If you need more sleep in winter, allow it. Trust that your body knows what it needs and give yourself those things without judgment. Rest isn’t something we have to earn.
The Deepest Rest is a Homecoming; True rest isn’t just about taking a break. It’s about coming home to yourself. It’s about creating an inner environment where you don’t have to be on guard all the time. Where you don’t have to prove your worth through productivity. Where you can soften, exhale, and simply be.
When you feel safe in your body, rest isn’t something you have to work for. It happens naturally, like a river flowing back to the ocean. So instead of forcing yourself to relax, start by asking: Does my body feel safe enough to rest? If the answer is no, begin there.
Rest isn’t something we earn. It’s something we return to. And it starts with safety.
xo Emily
